Thrivewell Coaching

Coaching for professionals and parents

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Resolved: How to Really Make the Changes You Want in 2019 (January 2019 Newsletter)

We’re now almost two weeks into 2019. How are you doing on your New Year’s resolutions?  

You may have seen the surveys that indicate that about half of Americans make New Year’s resolutions, but the majority give up on them before the end of January, and less than ten percent of people actually succeed! But you don’t have to resign yourself to this fate. Here are 4 specific science-backed strategies for how you can revisit your resolutions or goals for the year and make the changes that you want actually happen:

1.    What is Most Important to You? Revisit your list of resolutions and identify which one is the most important to you now. Think about what makes that change so important in your life today. For example, how would you feel if you made that change, or what would that change make possible? You might even want to think about it numerically:  On a scale of 1 – 10, how important is this change? Be honest with yourself. If it is anything less than a 7, you may lack the motivation to do the hard work needed to reach your goal. But if change is very important, that explicit recognition will help you maintain the needed effort, especially when the going gets tough.  

2.    What is Realistic? It is human nature to become frustrated when we don’t meet our goals, which can be demoralizing. If you really want to stick to your New Year’s resolution, try defining it in a way that is realistic — physically, logistically and emotionally. For example, it’s unrealistic to find your dream job in three weeks or to lose 20 pounds in a month. It also helps to be specific; the more specific you are, the easier it is to prepare for successful action, track your progress, and hold yourself accountable.

3.    What is One Small Step to Get Started? Getting started can often be the hardest part, and research shows that great change is often accomplished by starting small. So plan for success by identifying just one small step that you can do to get started.  For example, it might be signing up for a gym membership, blocking out time to do meal planning, or updating your resume. Focusing on one small step will help you get started, and, success with one step, will build confidence, positive momentum, and encouragement for you to take the next small step.  

4.     Identify Barriers and Create Back-Up Plans: Identify what obstacles might get in the way of following through on the small step you identified and develop specific back up plans to overcome those obstacles. Research has demonstrated that people who identify potential barriers and create a Plan B are more likely to accomplish their goals.  In preparing for successful action, reflect on past successes in other areas of your life and what helped you succeed, and apply your strengths to the change you wish to make today. 

I hope you remain inspired to make 2019 your best year ever!  

Sincerely, 
Leesa
Director, Thrivewell Coaching

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Have a Joyful – and Social – Holiday Season (Dec. 2018 Newsletter)

A recent analysis of millions of tweets found that people seem to want love and meaningful relationships – better friends, healthy relationships, and more time for family – more than anything else. This confirms what social scientists have long since known: that supportive relationships with friends, family, and work colleagues are good for your health and reduce stress. People with positive social relationships tend to live longer, are less susceptible to infectious illness and less likely to be depressed, and are more likely to feel a sense of belonging, security and self-worth. 
 
So, during the holiday season, think about how you can invest in and deepen your social relationships. Here are some ideas:

1.  Assess the Quality of Your Relationships: Conflicted relationships can be stressful and take a toll on your health, while positive ones support you. Take time to think about: Which of your close relationships fuel you and which drain you? How can you invest in connections that energize you?

2.  Be Present with People: Reflect on how you plan to spend your time this holiday season – and see if you can make any adjustments so that you have more quality time with people who are important to you. Don’t hesitate to simplify, where you can.  For example, instead of fighting crowds to shop for a gift, consider giving “an experience” that you can share with a loved one.  When you are with people, give them the gift of your full attention, without rushing to be somewhere else. Avoid looking at your phone or multi-tasking – it is the quality of relationships that matters more than the quantity.  

3.  Commit to Consistent Time to Connect: If you’d really like to spend more time with a friend, colleague, or family member, schedule regular time for them. For example, make a plan in the new year to commit to a regular (e.g., weekly or monthly) time to connect, whether by coffee dates, walks, or phone calls. 

4.  Reconnect with a Lost Friend: Think about one person whose relationship mattered to you but with whom you lost touch and reach out to them.  

5.  Develop a New Relationship: Reach out to someone you would like to get to know better  in the new year – maybe a work colleague, a neighbor, or someone in your community. Having a variety of social outlets, in addition to close friends, promotes optimal health.

Wishing you the most joyful and healthy holiday season and 2019! 

Sincerely, 
Leesa
Director, Thrivewell Coaching

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Prioritize Sleep, and Fall Back with the Clocks (Oct/Nov 2018 Newsletter)

I’m sure that you’ve seen the “sleep matters” message – which is supported by research – making the rounds in recent years, including from celebrities such as Arianna Huffington and the NFL, who have focused on how sleep impacts performance, athletic and otherwise. 
 
Yet, despite hearing more about sleep, many of us are not actually getting more sleep!  According to the Centers for Disease Control (CDC), a third of U.S. adults are still not getting enough sleep on a regular basis.  We disregard the science of sleep at our peril.
 
Sleep Science: Sleep is the linchpin to good health. Research shows that sleep is extremely important to day-to-day functioning, overall health, and life satisfaction.  During sleep, the body’s systems are regulated and cells regenerated.  According to the National Sleep Foundation, most adults need between 7-9 hours of sleep each night in order to maintain healthy biological, cognitive, social, and emotional functioning.
 
The Science of Sleep Deprivation:  Research has also linked sleep deprivation to a range of physical, emotional, and cognitive problems and some damaging long-term effects.  Physically, sleep deprivation weakens the immune system, and also puts us at greater risk for chronic disease and weight gain. According to the CDC, adults who get less than 7 hours of sleep each night are more likely to report 10 chronic health conditions – including heart conditions, depression, and cancer -– compared with those who got enough sleep.  Sleep deprivation can also negatively impact short and long-term memory, increase anxiety levels, and reduce concentration and problem-solving skills.  In other words, sleep is not just the linchpin to good health; it is essential to performing well, meeting your personal and professional goals, staying healthy, and thriving. 
 
Prioritizing Sleep: Given its far-reaching impacts, what do you need to do to fit in more shut-eye amid all the other demands of your daily life?  It might help to start by thinking about what is getting in the way of you getting enough sleep and coming up with a plan to overcome those hurdles.  Here are some things to consider:

  • What pre-bed activities can you forego? 
  • Are you falling asleep on the couch or with the TV on? 
  • Do you get distracted by technology or social media?  
  • Do you need a better routine to wind-down before bed, such as by reading, drinking tea, or listening to calming music? 
  • Have you prepared your room for the best quality sleep? 

If you need some additional resources, the National Sleep Foundation has some great healthy sleep tips and tools.

As you turn the clocks back this weekend, it is the perfect time to plan for getting more sleep.  Please let me know how it goes!


Sincerely, 
Leesa
Director, Thrivewell Coaching

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Transitions and Emotional Agility (Sept. 2018 Newsletter)

September is a time of transition and mixed emotions for many – wistfulness as summer winds down combined with eagerness to a return to a “regular” schedule and excitement for new beginnings.  It’s also the perfect time to focus on one’s own ability to navigate transitions and the essential, related skill of “emotional agility” that transitions often demand. 

Emotional agility is about identifying, accepting, and holding all of your emotions – both positive and negative ones – and understanding that acceptance is key to thriving. It is common to critique ourselves for having “bad emotions” like anger or regret.  We often try to push aside these feelings and focus on the positive (which, in good measure, is a valuable practice). But, new research shows that when emotions are consistently pushed aside, they don’t go away – they get stronger. Pain, frustration, disappointment, regret, guilt, and other tough emotions are part of an authentic life, and we need to learn how to feel those – and appropriately manage them – as well.

By giving space to the full range of our emotions, we benefit in many ways. At a basic level, it helps us deepen our understanding of ourselves and others. It also helps us identify feelings we might otherwise have ignored. At a deeper level, this attention to our emotions actually strengthens our ability to manage difficult feelings without being overwhelmed and, in turn, builds our resilience.

What You Can Try: As summer winds down and you transition to fall, allow yourself to feel all the emotions brought on by the change in seasons and schedule. Think about what the feelings tell you about what you value, and what that may imply about changes you would like to make in your life.

I’d love to hear how it goes!

Sincerely, 
Leesa
Director, Thrivewell Coaching